Well this is kinda awkward because 1) I currently don’t have one, 2) I don’t like writing about said topic, and 2) I find it unusual to write to the “hypothetical” someone out there, vying hopelessly that one day we will cross paths. But it’s Day Two—it’s part of the deal.

This summer, it’s hard not to stare at couples outside megaplexes or lying on the beach without wondering how they met. How did he do it? What pickup line did he use? Can I borrow his swag? I try not to think about people who I might be attracted to, because frankly, it leads me down dark roads, overanalyzing and committing dim actions that lead to more overanalyzing, when the human gift of social affection should be enjoyed.

But enough about the incompetent side of me. This is what I want. I want to not have to think about a crush. The word itself does not appeal to me. I don’t know about you, but the giant angry rocks with mad faces from Super Mario Bros. or flattening a can to the forehead come to mind. Hulk Smash! Ok?

Let’s make it clear before I continue—I’m no bitter melon. I’m just a fan of productivity, and thinking about this stuff derails my efforts. So let’s get back on track!

MJD